All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
