so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
