Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
