They should really pass out barf bags in church
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did i walk over a car last night?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
