watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
