Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i drank out of a bidet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
