dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
