On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
