just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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