I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
