You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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