Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
