is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
