i think i have two assholes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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