1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
