He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
