Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
