Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
