Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
