he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
