Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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