so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
