i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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