You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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