Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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