I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
