Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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