i just wanna soil my oats bro
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
