Do you still have your period?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
