im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
