I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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