everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
