Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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