It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
