soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
