I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
