I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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