I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
