We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
