yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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