I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
