Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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