I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
