I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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