that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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