New invention idea: vibrating tampons
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
