Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
