giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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