And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
