what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
