Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That accounts for only three of the penises
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
