I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
