I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
